Monday, July 25, 2005
i feel so alone.
nv felt so lonely before.
used to have alot of frens.
now it seems like i dun have any frens at all.
no one wans to go out with me.
and it's not becuz they can't.
it's they just dun wanna.
i feel so hurt.
spent de last weekend being lonely.
no one cared.
used to always be surrounded by frens.
now i have to beg them to accompany me.
i feel so abandon.
now they have other frens.
and break wad we planned.
so they can go out with other frens.
sigh.
de guys dun seemed to care anymore.
wait a minute.
they nv even started caring before.
nv felt this way b4.
am i being too sensitive.
i dunno anymore.
i just felt this way.
to tell you de truth.
i felt like slappin her when she said u can't go out with me anymore cuz u have class gatherin.
i really do.
but you felt so excited to go.
i shall be happy for u den.
enjoy urself.
even geraldine dun talk to me as much now.
i'm like trapped in this tiny place alone.
everyone is too busy to make time for me.
i just realised my frens are in fact very little.
i mean frens who are really close.
and now i'm already drifting apart from de guys.
sometimes i even hate them.
for not caring.
for saying i'm petty or over sensitive if i'm not happy when they tease me.
teasing itself is fine.
but think about it.
do your guy frens tease you in such a way it hurts.
do they say even their chests have a deeper cleavage den yours.
i seemed like i'm laughing with them.
but honestly deep down inside it hurts.
do they say if i get a bf we'll break within 2 weeks.
i know they are just joking.
but think about.
which gal won't feel hurt with remarks like these.
and when i told one of them about.
he says i'm petty.
they just dun feel like frens anymore.
my frens are like drifting away.
i really feel so alone.
thank god i still have my family.
even my cousins dun seem to wanna go out with me anymore.
they used to always be there for me.
not anymore.
i can't cry out loud.
it's not my personality.
i feel like doing dat.
but somehow i'm choked.
my tears dun flow.
i've become emotionless.
on de surface i seemed de same.
no change.
no difference.
but i think i'm changin slowly.
i'm collasping soon.
and as i typed this i can feel my warm tears in my eyes.
but they won't flow out.
and i would just blink them back.
i told u.
it's not me.
de "me" everyone know is cheerful.
strong.
nv cry or breakdown.
take teases or insults lightly.
well.
sometimes de strongest person.
de person with a stone heart.
will breakdown too.
even when i msged a fren.
telling him happy birthday.
wad did i get.
not even a thanks.
no reply at all.
i was so hurt.
but why am i typing all this.
no one hardly comes here anyway.
besides abby and steph.
de guys won't know.
maybe becuz i was a tom-boy last time.
if i show just abit sign of feminine.
i'm considered different.
changed.
not wad i used to be.
i just to get teased by everyone.
about my height.
my voice.
my tom-boyness.
and now when i get hurt for being teased.
i'm considered petty.
i dunno where this feelings come from.
i just feel so lonely and abandoned.
like no one wans me anymore.
i can't tell you all this in skool abby.
i was afraid i might cry.
like i'm doing now.
i dunno why i'm crying.
it's not you dun worry.
i'm crying.
but like i said.
de tears won't flow out.
it's there.
but it won't flow out.
maybe i am being sensitive
i know u dun like sensitive ppl.
you have alot of sensitive ppl around u.
dats y i nv tell you how i felt.
becuz u'll probably say i'm very noisy.
you know wad.
i almost cried when ele walked over and told me
"abby u cannot go out with eileen liao"
i really almost did.
but wad can i do.
i seemed like a very strong gal to everyone.
and i know if i cry everyone will be there to comfort me.
but who knows behind my back.
they might be sayin.
why is eileen liddat one.
cry-baby.
thot she very strong one.
this is why i nv cry in class.
except certain lizards scenes.
when i wanna msg ppl.
i scroll down my phone bk.
you know wad.
there isn't really anyone for me to open ur my heart to.
maybe you can.
but you would just say i'm noisy.
it's not ur fault.
i understand.
there's always alot of ppl around you whining about.
and i can't believe you are de only person i can talk to.
i can't even talk to my sisters.
they can't be bothered.
thank god for my blog.
i can blare everything out now.
without anyone being unhappy.
i think i'm gonna suffer from depression soon.
i still love my frens.
even de guys.
they have been my pri skool frens for 6yrs and counting.
but.
they are also part of de reason for this post.
i bet some of them dun even know de real me inside.
they nv bother to find out.
i have enough of typing.
those who i wanna let them know how i feel.
won't come in here anyway.
wads de point.
me_________`e-leen *
6:52 PM
